What he doesn't know
by Shennyhater666
Summary: Penny cheats on Leonard. AU from the Pharmaceutical Convention episode
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Thought I would try a Leonard/Penny story. But I can't avoid the angst. These characters are not mine and I will return them when I am done. **

It took a few seconds for Bernadette to realize where she was. She glanced at the clock next to her bed. It read 3:17. What had awakened her? She looked over and saw Penny getting undressed by her bed. "Did you just get in?"

Penny looked up startled, "Yeah, sorry I woke you."

"Didn't the bar close at two?"

Penny had stripped to her underwear. "Yeah, but a bunch of us went up to someone's room."

She headed for the bathroom. "Go back to sleep, I'm going to take a shower."

Bernadette laid back down. She wished now she had brought Penny up with her when she left, but she had been with a group of some sales people and a couple doctors and seemed to be enjoying herself. The trouble was, they had to be back on the floor by nine.

Penny stood in the shower, letting the water run over her. 'Damn it. I didn't even want to come to this stupid convention. Hell, I didn't even want to be in charge of the project at all. I should have never let Bernadette talk me into it.' One thing she did know, Leonard could never know about what had happened. She vowed she would make it up to him.

_When Bernadette had announced she was going to bed, Penny started to go with her. But then one of the girls had asked her to stay because otherwise she would be the only woman there. The men quickly chipped in, saying she could stay for one more. _

_It wasn't long before she regretted her decision. It was all so boring. All they did was talk shop. She was so sick of the whole thing. Flirting with Doctors, not exactly lying but not telling the whole story either. Even the money she was making didn't do anything for her anymore. _

_What had happened to her? When did she become this boring person? Where was the Penny who was full of dreams? And now she and Leonard were married. They would eventually settle down and have their 2.5 children. They could buy a house with a picket fence and Leonard could mow the lawn. She could become her mother. _

_What was she saying? She loved Leonard. Every time they had broken up, she had regretted it and they got back together. But sometimes she was just so damned bored. _

_"__Penny?" She looked up and realized that Brad had been trying to talk to her._

_"__Sorry, Brad, I was daydreaming." Then she noticed they were the only two left. "Where is everybody?"_

_He chuckled, "They left about five minutes ago. You did say good night."_

_She didn't realize she had been so self-absorbed. "I don't even remember doing it. What time is it?"_

_"__It's almost two. The bar's getting ready to close."_

_Penny finished up her drink. She was proud of herself; she felt a good buzz but had avoided getting sloshed. "Well, I better head out, too. Morning is going to come awfully fast."_

_Brad looked at her. She really was a beautiful woman. She was married just as he was. That would mean she would most likely be discreet. He decided to take a shot. Somehow, he could sense she might just be vulnerable. "You're right, but for some reason I am not that tired. Why don't you come up to my room for one last drink? I did have a couple questions about your new product."_

_Penny looked at him. His name was Brad Marshall and he was some bigwig salesman from another pharmaceutical company located in San Francisco. One of the other saleswomen had been gushing about him earlier. Evidently, he was considered quite a catch. She had to admit he really was a handsome guy. Was he hitting on her? Couldn't he see she was married? Glancing at his hands she saw he was married himself. _

_She knew she needed to get out of there, but she was still in the bad mood she had been in all night._

_She tried to summon up Leonard and think about what it would do to him but instead that brought on a strange thought. Maybe this is what she needed, something to take her out of the rut she felt she was in. It might even be good for her and Leonard. Anyway, it wouldn't hurt him if he never knew about it. _

_She found herself saying, "Sounds good."_

_Once they reached his room, the pretense of a drink and talk didn't last overly long. It wasn't that much later that they were naked in bed. Penny soon discovered that she had been taking Leonard's foreplay skills for granted. Almost as soon as he got the condom on, they were off to the main event. _

_At first there was a feeling of guilty pleasure, of the tasting of forbidden fruit, but Penny soon realized something was missing. She finally ending up doing something with him she had never had to do with Leonard, not even that first awkward time; she faked an orgasm. _

_The difference became even more pronounced when he finally finished. With Leonard she could never get close enough, she snuggled as close to him as she could. This was more, "Well, that was interesting."_

_They both lay there for a time, then Penny got up and began to get dressed. He looked up at her, "Wouldn't you like to take a shower?"_

_"__I'll take one back in my room. Bernadette is probably wondering where the hell I am."_

_"__All right." He reached up and touched her on the hip. "That was nice. Maybe we will get a chance to do it again."_

_She moved away from his hand. "I enjoyed it, but I think this should be it. I do love my husband."_

_"__I love my wife too, but this has nothing to do with her."_

_Penny finished getting dressed and headed for the door. Brad called out, "Thanks, Penny. Goodnight."_

_She took a quick look back, "GoodBYE, Brad."_

The next day seemed to drag on forever. Between staying up all night and a with growing sense of guilt over what had happened, Penny thought it would never end.

When it was over, she wasted no time getting back to their room. When Bernadette said she was going down for a last few drinks and saying her goodbyes, Penny said she had enough the night before and was just going to stay in the room and rest.

The next morning they flew back to Pasadena.

Penny was determined that Leonard would never suspect anything and because she didn't want to hurt him, she succeeded. When they made love that night, Penny wondered what had ever possessed her. Being with Leonard was so much more than what had happened with Brad. Ironically, it had made her appreciate and understand what she had with Leonard. She even began to think that maybe one child didn't sound too bad.

In the next couple weeks, Leonard was stunned when Penny practically ravaged him on a couple of occasions, but he was hardly going to complain.

Meanwhile, Penny's unhappiness with her job continued to increase.

About five months after the convention, Penny was summoned to Dan's office and was stunned to see Brad Marshall standing there.

"Come on in, Penny. Penny, this is Brad Marshall. He has been Delvin Industries' best salesman for the past three years. We have finally managed to convince him to come with us."

"Brad, this is Penny Hofstadter, one of our top Salespersons."

Brad smiled, "It's nice to see you again, Penny."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N I still own nothing. Thank you so much for your reviews. I am always amazed at your thoughts and insight. I apologize for how short this is but it just seemed to be the place to stop. **

Penny managed to get out, "Yeah, good to see you too."

Dan broke in, "You two know each other?"

Brad answered, keeping his eyes on Penny, "We met at the Conference in Phoenix."

Dan continued, "I am glad to hear that because of what I have planned. Penny, I want you to spend time with Brad here. You know, show him around, introduce him to people. Also, he is taking over Alice's customers as well as your previous ones. Bring him up to speed on who they are and what you know about them."

Penny was stunned and was trying to avoid looking at Brad. "Are you sure someone else couldn't do it? I am pretty busy with following up on orders for the new product. No offense, Brad."

Brad smirked, "None taken."

Dan spoke back up, "No, Penny, you're the one I want on this. You know those customers better than anyone else. I have already cleared it with Bernadette."

Penny cringed inside but answered, "All right." Forcing herself to turn to Brad and managing a smile, "Guess we better get started."

As soon as they were out the door and walking down the hall, Brad spoke up, "You're looking as beautiful as ever. Really looking forward to us working together." He said the word working with an obvious double entendre.

Penny stopped and seeing no one around, turned to face him, "Let's get this straight, Brad. What happened between us is over. Nothing is going to happen. Let's just both do our jobs, okay."

Brad gave a smile that made Penny cringe, "Of course, Mrs. Hofstadter, just purely business."

She wanted to slap him but knew she had brought this on herself. She turned and they continued down the hall.

The rest of the day was torture. Whenever he could do it without others seeing, he put his hands on her. When they were seated at a conference table, he put his hand on her inner thigh.

Penny finally had enough. She took him into one of the empty offices. "Damn it Brad. This has got to stop. What happened between us was a mistake. If you don't stop messing with me, I am going to report you."

Brad kept his irritating smile. "If that were to happen, I would have to explain what happened between us. Does your husband know about us?"

The look on her face told Brad what he needed to know.

Penny was shocked but said, "How about your wife? Do you want her to find out?"

"Ah yes, my wife. It seems that she wasn't as naïve as I thought. She found out about my say extracurricular activities and kicked me out. I believe she is filing for a divorce. Don't worry, she didn't know about you."

Penny's heart sank. This bastard had her where he wanted. She desperately didn't want Leonard to find out. She was afraid of how far Brad would go. She didn't want to give him more ammunition to destroy her life.

The next couple days were repeats of the first with Penny's only solace that she would soon be rid of him and that she would do all she could in the future to avoid him as much as possible.

They had finished the last conference and were heading for their cars when he suddenly pushed her through a door into an empty office. Before she could react, he slammed her against a wall and pushed his lips against hers, grasping one of her breasts.

Completely stunned, it took her a moment to recover. She tried to knee him but he was ready for it and deflected the blow. She pushed desperately at him but he was much stronger. Finally, he stepped back.

She quickly slapped him in the face.

He just smiled and rubbed his jaw. Then he slammed her back into the wall and groped her while looking her in the eye. "Listen to me. If you try something like that again, your precious secret is going to get out. I have the feeling you would do anything to prevent your husband from knowing what a slut you are. You and I are going to have some fun. We both know you like it."

When he stepped back, Penny hurried to get away. He called after her, "I'll be seeing you soon."

Penny made it to a bathroom before she threw up. She sat on the stool, sobbing into her hands. Luckily no one came in and she finally pulled herself together, washed her face and shakily made it to her car.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N I still am just borrowing these wonderful characters. Thank you so much for your reviews. I am amazed at the ideas and input you provide. Many of your thoughts are better than the story.**

It was fortunate for Penny that her trip home was uneventful because she was to say the least not concentrating on her driving. Her mind was a jumble of disjointed thoughts. When she reached the apartment she quickly collapsed on the couch. Thankfully, Leonard wouldn't be home for a couple of hours. It was the night he and the guys still went to the comic book store.

Suddenly, she badly needed to take a shower. To try somehow to remove what had happened to her. Strangely, after showering and putting on some shorts and a top, she did feel slightly better. She stopped and grabbed a wine bottle and a glass and sat down on the couch.

Pouring herself a glass, she slowly sipped on it as she tried to get her thoughts in some sort of order. How had she got into such a mess? She had to smirk at that. She was in this mess because she was a slut, a woman who cheated on her husband. A husband who had never done anything but love her.

But then, she had often been careless with Leonard's love for her. Hell, she had dumped him so many times. She thought she had lost him to Priya but they had somehow found their way back together. Her problem had been that she never knew what she wanted, what she needed. Then, when she was fired from that awful ape movie, she had finally realized it was Leonard who made her happy. That she truly did love him.

She also remembered the grief she gave him when he admitted he had kissed that woman when he was drunk. That was especially ironic considering to what she had just done to him.

Why had she done it? Why did she hook up with Brad?

Maybe she had only thought that she had finally decided what she wanted. Some of it she knew grew out of her growing hatred of her job. It had bothered her a bit when Leonard wasn't overly sympathetic when she had told him at Big Bear about her unhappiness. She had felt like she had missed her chance to make him understand how she felt. Maybe she had agreed too quick about the money.

But none of that really explained why she had slept with another man. But then, maybe it didn't matter. The fact was she had done it. The only problem was that if she didn't know why she did, what would prevent her from doing it again? How could she be sure she wouldn't? Right now, she couldn't imagine what could possibly cause her to do it again, but she had felt the same way before she did it.

She decided she had wasted enough time on that. She needed to deal with the here and now. What the hell was she going to do? She could go along with Brad. After all, she had already slept with him once. Would it hurt Leonard more if she did it more than once? Maybe he would never find out.

God, I am a slut. No, she realized she was fooling herself. She knew what she needed to do. She couldn't allow the current situation to continue. Who knows what Brad might ask of her? No, she had to tell Leonard. She sadly realized that if she had told him right away, perhaps there would have been hope for them. But now he would know that she had only told him because she had to.

She looked at the clock, Leonard would be home in a half hour. She was tempted to get drunk, but knew that would make everything worse. She finished off the glass and put the bottle away.

She then sat and waited for Leonard, working over in her mind what she wanted to say.

Leonard came home at the usual time. As he came in the door, he saw her and gave her that special smile she loved so much. She felt a deep moment of sadness as she realized it might be the last time she would see it meant for her.

He came over and sat down on the couch next to her and gave her a hug and kiss. She could tell he sensed something was wrong. She pulled back from him and said, "Leonard, there is something we need to discuss."

She could see the questions and worry in his face when he answered, "What is it?"

"Please don't interrupt and let me finish the whole story, okay?"

"Alright"

She took a small breath, "Three days ago Dan called me into his office. He wanted to introduce me to a new salesman that had moved over from another company. He wanted me to introduce him around and bring him up to speed on some of our customers."

"During the next three days, every time no one would notice, he put his hands on me, touching me. Once on my inner thigh." She saw Leonard's eyes widen and the concerned look on his face. She could see he wanted to say something but kept silent.

"Then today, when we were finished and heading out for the day, he pushed me into an empty office and back up against a wall. He then kissed me and grabbed my breast. When he stepped back, I slapped him. He pushed me back against the wall and fondled me."

Avoiding the shocked look on Leonard's face, she went on, "When he let me go, he let me know he expected much more from me. I went to a bathroom and threw up. Somehow I made it home."

When she stopped, Leonard moved over close to her and hugged her, "My God, Penny, are you all right? The guy sexually assaulted you. Why didn't you tell someone? I am sure they would believe you."

He pulled back and looked her in the eye, "Do you want me to go with you tomorrow?"

When he had hugged her, she had hugged back, never wanting to let go, knowing it could be the last time she would be in his arms.

"There is more I need to tell you. Before I start, I want you to know how much I love you. How much you mean to me."

She could see Leonard was beginning to get even more worried, but he answered, "I love you too, Penny. Whatever it is I am sure we'll get through it."

She smiled sadly to herself, I so wish I could believe that.

Taking a deep breath, she began, avoiding his eyes. "There is a reason he felt he could get away with doing those things to me. He knew I was keeping a secret from someone and he thought I would do almost anything to stop him from revealing it."

Now she forced herself to look at Leonard, "The person I was keeping the secret from was you. When I was at that convention a few months ago, I slept with him. I cheated on you."

She had to fight back the tears as she saw the stunned luck on Leonard's face. It turned to confusion, and then to sadness.

"I am so sorry, Leonard, I don't know what I was thinking. I have thought a lot about it, but still do not understand how I could do that to you. I have been more and more unhappy because of work but that doesn't explain why I did it."

"I have worried about how you sometimes drink too much, I was afraid something like this could happen."

For a moment, Penny grasped at what he said. Maybe she could excuse herself, blame it on being drunk. But she realized she had been lying too long. She needed to be completely honest with him now. She sensed it was the only possible hope they had to maybe find some way forward.

"No, Leonard, I so wish that I could blame it on that. But I did it willingly, fully knowing what I was doing."

Now she saw a new emotion emerge, anger.

"Were you ever going to tell me, Penny? If you hadn't gotten in this mess with him, would you have ever come clean?"

"No. I didn't want to hurt you. I figured what you didn't know…"

Sneering, "What he doesn't know, huh, Penny. Wasn't it a little late to worry about hurting me?"

Then he seemed to realize something, "Those times you practically attacked me, that was because you were feeling guilty, wasn't it? And I thought…."

"I just wanted to try to make up for what I had done. But I do feel that way about you. I need you, Leonard."

"But apparently, I am not all you need. It must have been nice to screw with someone tall, someone strong who could do things for you I can't"

Penny was shocked, how could he think that. No, she wouldn't let that pass.

"No, Leonard, don't you ever think that. I may be a slut and you probably hate me, but no one has ever come close to making me feel the way you do. Making love to you is amazing. What I feel with you is like a billion times beyond what I experienced with him. He means nothing to me, while you are my life. No, Leonard, whatever becomes of us you must never believe that anyone could make me feel like you do."

She was glad to see he seemed to accept that, but then she made a mistake and said too much. "Hell, I had to fake an orgasm with him." She quickly regretted it as she realized she had just made him see them together.

Suddenly, all the stress and shock at what she had done was too much for Leonard. He was finding it difficult to breathe. Penny noticed and immediately called out, "Leonard, are you all right?" Without thinking she got up and moved over to him putting her hand on his shoulder. She watched him take out his inhaler and suck on it. She was relieved to see him relax and begin breathing normally again.

Then she realized she still had her hand on his shoulder. Letting in rest for just a moment more, she reluctantly removed it and returned to her spot.

Although the inhaler had helped, Leonard realized he needed to get out of there. He needed to give himself some time to think, to try to absorb what had happened. It was also true he needed to get away from Penny to think about them away from her.

As he started to get up, Penny reached out and grabbed his arm, "What are you doing? Where are you going?"

Pulling his arm free, he looked down at her, "I need to get out of here. I need some time to think, to be away from you."

Penny, beseechingly, "But you are coming back, right. Tell me you'll be back."

When he didn't answer, she did what she had told herself she mustn't do, she began to cry. "Promise me, Leonard, promise me you'll be back!"

Leonard looked sadly at her, he had always hated to see her upset, especially now when he couldn't bring himself to console her. "I promise, Penny, I'll be back in the morning."

She nodded, she knew that was more than she deserved, all that she could hope for.

As he opened the door, she decided she needed to gamble but regretted it when he answered. She called out, "I love you."

He turned at the door and she had never seen him sadder, "Do you, Penny?"

Then he was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N I am still just borrowing these characters. I want to thank all of you who left reviews. I wish I could think of something that would really show you how much I appreciate them.**

As he left the apartment, Leonard struggled to control his emotions. He knew he needed to get his head together, to try to figure out what he was going to do. He wondered if he should talk with any of the guys, but decided he needed to do this on his own. Besides, he wasn't sure he wanted them to know until he had talked again with Penny.

He then thought of talking to Bernadette, but in the end, he still decided he needed to be alone. He got in his car and started to look for a motel. As he drove, he thought maybe he should get a whiteboard. He knew it was probably strange to want to think about something like this by using one, but they had always helped him organize his thoughts.

After purchasing several whiteboards, he checked into a motel on the outskirts of Pasadena.

Although he wasn't really hungry, he thought he better eat. When he returned to his room, he sat up the whiteboards and sat on the bed looking at them. Where to start?

He finally decided he would start with Penny and the guy, hereafter to be thought of as that bastard. When he had contemplated that Penny might cheat on him, he had always assumed it would be because it was someone she was attracted to, someone she would leave him for. That did not seem to be the case. After all, that bastard had to try to force her to be with him and she had thrown up afterwards.

Thus, he decided he was dealing with a onetime incident. That didn't necessarily lessen the hurt that it caused him but it made the situation much simpler. It was just between Penny and him. They would have to deal with what that bastard had done but they needed to do that if they were together or not.

So, he made his first entry on a whiteboard_, One-night stand, no other man considerations_.

He then added, _Need to deal with sexual assault – will help Penny if she wants me to._

Now he knew he needed to confront his feelings to what Penny had done. First of all, it hurt him deeply. He felt a deep sense of betrayal. Strangely, the act itself didn't disturb him as much as it should. It wasn't like Penny hadn't had sex with other men before. He had believed her when she told him how being with him was so much more than it was with that bastard. He could now even smile that she said she had to fake an orgasm.

He added to his whiteboard, _Believe that she does feel our sex is special. That she did not do it because I do not satisfy her._

Then why had she done it? He decided to leave that for later. It was something he and Penny would have to deal with together.

Now came for him the real questions. Did he still love Penny? Could he ever trust her again? Did he still want to be with her? And just as important and more difficult, Did Penny love him? If she did, how could she do that to him? Had she ever loved him like he deserved to be loved?

He entered those questions on the second whiteboard.

He got a beer from the refrigerator and sat on the bed. He knew how he was supposed to feel. He should be angry at her, he should need her to prove to him that she did love him, that she should pay for what she had done. That she would promise to never do it again.

But he realized he didn't think that way at all. Maybe he was just pathetic, but he loved Penny. He had loved her in some way from the moment he met her. He knew he wanted her to be part of his life. That hadn't changed. To leave her, to divorce her, would hurt him far more than her cheating.

Besides, he truly believed she was sorry. How many different ways could she say it? What could she do that would further convince him? He also saw no value in trying to make her feel more guilty, to try to punish her. He had no stomach for trying to hurt her.

As far as promising never to do it again, what would that really mean? He was sure that before this happened she would have honestly told him that it would never happen. He could only hope that having discovered she was capable of it; she would be vigilant in the future.

As for whether she loved him, it had been a long struggle to overcome his insecurities, to truly believe that she loved him. And while this obviously had struck home, he realized it did not undo what he had come to believe.

No, the only possible way forward was for them to believe she wouldn't do it again. To put this behind them, to not let the hurt and guilt destroy them.

But all this didn't mean they could go on as they did before. They needed to use this to strengthen their love, not tear them apart. They needed to figure out why she had done what she did. Not to shame her or assign blame, but to try to ensure that it didn't happen again.

The only clue she had provided was that she was unhappy with her job. Ever since she mentioned it at Big Bear, he often felt they had dispensed with it far too easily. Maybe now was the time to discuss that. If it was causing her to be unhappy, that could be a contributing factor in why she had done what she did.

Now, what was he going to say to Penny? First of all, he needed to make her understand that she had hurt him deeply, that he felt betrayed. But, at the same time, that he understood she was sorry, that she regretted what she had done and that she did not have to keep apologizing or trying to make it up to him. That the best way forward was if she could somehow not continue to feel guilty. He would admit that his hurt and her guilt might never go completely away but they needed to put them behind them, to not let them tear them apart.

He needed to tell her he still loved her and in spite of what he said when he left, he believed she loved him too. That he wanted them to stay together. He did not want her to promise she would not do it again, because she could not guarantee that. But he also needed to let her know that he believed she would not.

They also needed to decide what they were going to do about that bastard. He felt they could not ignore it even if it meant people would find out what Penny had done. He felt they needed the closure.

After Leonard left, Penny gave in and had a long cry. Finally crying herself out, she went into the bathroom and washed her face, avoiding looking at herself in the mirror.

As she returned to the couch, she wondered what she should do. She realized she didn't want to stay in that apartment, to be alone. It would be bad enough being alone in their bed.

But where could she go? She definitely could not go to a bar, not that she wanted to. Maybe she should talk to someone, maybe it would do her good to let it out. She thought of Bernadette.

Before she could change her mind, she called and asked her to come over; that she needed to talk to her.

When Bernadette arrived and had been invited in, she found Penny sitting on the couch, nursing a glass of wine. As Bernadette sat down next to her, "What was so important, Penny, that you needed to see me? Then she looked around, "Where's Leonard? Howard was back home."

To her shock, she saw Penny tearing up. "What is it, Penny, what's wrong?"

Penny wiped at her eyes, "I screwed up big time. I am not sure it will ever be right again."

Bernadette stared at her, "It can't be that bad. I am sure it will work out."

"Do you remember at the convention, when I came in late?"

"Yes, you said you had gone to someone's room."

"I did, but it was Brad's room and no one else was there."

Bernadette's eyes widened, "Penny, you didn't…?"

Penny looked at her sadly, "Yes, I slept with him."

Bernadette was stunned. She would never have thought Penny would do that. She knew how much she and Leonard meant to each other. Finally, she got out, "Does Leonard know?"

"Yes, I finally told him tonight." She had decided it would be best not to tell Bernadette what Brad had done. She knew Bernadette would have to do something and she wanted to hopefully discuss it with Leonard.

Then Bernadette realized something, "Oh, Penny, you have had to be with Brad the last few days. You should have told me, I would have told Dan I needed you on the project. Is that the reason you told Leonard now?"

"Yeah."

"How did he take it?"

Penny stared at her, "How do you think he took it? I slept with someone! He was hurt, angry, and as sad as I have ever seen him. He finally had to get away from me."

"Are you saying he left you?"

"No, I made him promise he would come back in the morning, but I don't know if he will stay. I wouldn't blame him if he threw me out."

She put her head in her hands, "God, I am such an idiot. Why do I keep hurting him? He is the best thing that ever happened to me. Now I have probably driven him away for good."

Bernadette didn't know what to do. She finally moved over and hugged Penny, who grabbed on to her, sobbing into her shoulder. They stayed that way for a while, until Penny finally pulled away. She found a tissue and wiped at her eyes.

After a few moments, Bernadette said, "I know it all looks bad now, Penny, but Leonard loves you more than anything. I just know you can get past this."

Penny looked at her, "When he left, I told him I loved him. Do you know what he said, he said, 'Do you, Penny?'"

Bernadette reached out and touched her shoulder, "He was badly hurt, Penny, I'm sure he didn't mean it."

She hesitated and then said, "You do love him, don't you?"

Penny looked horrified, "So you doubt it too?"

"You did sleep with someone."

Penny looked down, "I know it is tough to believe right now, but I do love Leonard. I don't know what I'll do if he leaves me." She looked up, "He is my life."

Then she shook her head, "I just hope somehow he can believe me but I am afraid I may have finally done it, hurt him so bad he will never trust me again."

"Why did you do it, Penny?"

"I wish I knew. I was just feeling sorry for myself. More of the same old crap about how my life didn't turn out like I wanted. God, I am so pathetic. I love and am loved by a wonderful man who would do anything for me and I keep trying to throw it away."

She looked at Bernadette, "I probably shouldn't tell you this, but part of why I was down is that I am growing more and more unhappy about my job."

Bernadette was shocked and then a little angry, "Why haven't you said anything? I thought you had really got into this project."

"I don't know. I am just so tired of the whole thing. I told Leonard some time ago, but we decided I should stay with it for the money. I'm sorry, I do appreciate you getting it for me. I guess I am just not cut out for it. God, I am just so worthless."

"Don't ever say that, Penny. You are not worthless; you are a wonderful person. I'm sorry you are not happy with work; you should have let me know."

"I know, I just felt so ungrateful after what you did for me."

"Don't worry about me. You have more than justified my faith in you. It's a shame you don't like it because you are great at it. Are you going to discuss it with Leonard?"

"If he will let me, I don't know what's going to happen."

"Well, whatever you decide, it's fine with me."

"Thanks, Bernadette."

"Just hang in there, Penny, I really think you two can work it out. We all know you two are meant for each other. I mean, look at what you have overcome already. You will get through this too."

"I hope more than anything you are right. I know I will do whatever I can to make it right with him."

Penny went on, "Thank you so much, Bernadette, for being my friend. I think I can try to get some sleep now."

"You're sure you don't want me to stay?"

"No, I will be fine. I want to be here alone when Leonard comes back."

"Alright, if you're sure, good night. And, Penny, good luck. I'll be pulling for you."

"Thanks Bernadette, I am going to need it."

They had a quick hug and Bernadette left.

Unknown to each other, Penny and Leonard both slipped into bed, hoping to get a little sleep. Both were nervous and scared about the next day but each also having to believe that somehow they could make it work.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Once again, I am returning these characters to their rightful owners. Thank you so much for your reviews. I am always blown away by your thoughts and insights. I want to also thank the rest of my readers. **

Leonard's restless sleep was interrupted by the ringing of his phone. He checked the time, 7:30. Noting the call was from Bernadette, he grabbed his glasses and answered the call.

"Hello."

"Leonard, it's me, Bernadette. Did I wake you?"

"No, I was just getting up, what is it?"

There was a hesitation, "I probably shouldn't be doing this. Maybe I should just forget it."

"What's going on?"

Another hesitation, "Penny called me and I went over to the apartment last night."

"I assume she told you what happened."

"Yes, I was just stunned. I never thought she would do anything like that to you."

Leonard waited and she continued, "Like I said, I should just stay out of it and let you guys work it out…"

She went on, "But I just needed to call you to let you know how bad she feels about all this, how much she blames herself. I know she deserves whatever happens, but I just hope you guys can figure it out. She really does love you, Leonard."

Leonard was glad to hear what she said and it gave him a little more confidence in what he was going to do. But it was still between Penny and him.

"I appreciate that, Bernadette, and am glad you called, but you're right, Penny and I need to do this on our own."

"I know, Leonard. Just know I'll be pulling for you both."

"Thank you, Bernadette. Goodbye."

"Goodbye, Leonard."

Leonard called Caltech and told them he wouldn't be in. He called Penny and told her he would be there at 11:00. He then took a shower, did his absolutions, had breakfast, and checked out.

Penny found herself pacing, the morning just seemed to drag by. She tried to eat something but was just too nervous. She realized her whole future could depend on what happened when Leonard got there. Finally, at 10:30 she settled herself down and sat on the couch sipping a single glass of wine. She knew she needed to let Leonard know three things, how sorry she was, how much she loved him, and that she would promise to never do it again.

When the knock finally came, she was relieved but scared. "It's open."

When she saw him, everything in her wanted to get up and crush her to him, to smother him with a kiss, to let him know how much she loved him, how much she needed him, how much he meant to her. It saddened her deeply that she wasn't sure how he would react. In the end she sat and said, "Hi, Leonard, thank you for coming back."

He nodded and sat down at the opposite end of the couch. They stayed like that for a few moments, each not sure how to proceed; Penny hoping that he had come to talk, to tell her they had a chance.

Finally, Leonard spoke, "When you told me about you and, what is his name anyway?"

"Brad."

"When you told me about Brad, I felt like I had been socked in the stomach, I felt empty, like I had lost something, something important. I was angry, hurt, but mostly sad. Sad because you had ruined something very special."

Penny felt herself tearing up, but told herself, No, she wasn't going to cry. She needed to listen, to try to understand what she had done to him.

"All of the fears, the insecurities I had felt in the past came roaring to the surface. My greatest fear had come true, I had lost you to someone else. That you didn't really love me. That I wasn't the kind of man you wanted."

Penny had to say something, "No, Leonard, none of that is true. He means nothing to me. You are the one I love; you are the one I need. I may not completely understand why I did it, but I do know it had nothing to do about how I feel about you, nothing to do with what kind of a man you are."

Leonard seemed to accept what she said, but made no indication of whether he was affected by it. She was getting nervous at how calm he seemed.

Leonard had to steel himself. She had said what he wanted to hear, but he knew he needed to stay on course, to say what he needed to say.

"I did a lot of thinking last night." He smiled, "I even bought some Whiteboards to try to marshal my thoughts."

In spite of the situation, Penny had to smile at that. It was so, well, Leonard."

"I know how I should feel, what I should want. I should need for you to be sorry, to be crushed by what you did. I should need to be angry with you, to want you to suffer, that you need to prove to me that you have fully repented, to punish you so you will never do it again. To make you win back my love. To earn back my trust. To promise me you'll never do it again."

Penny started to speak, to tell him she would do all those things. That she knew she deserved his anger, his contempt. That she would do anything she had to do to convince him he should take her back, that he could trust her. But to her surprise he went on.

He leaned forward and looked into her eyes. "But that is not how I feel at all. I believe that you are sorry, that you do not have feelings for Brad. And I do believe you still love me."

Penny was stunned, what was he saying, for the first time, she felt real hope.

He had gone on, "What I am trying to say, Penny, is that I want us to be together. I love you and want to be with you."

Penny was shocked and bewildered, he wanted them to be together? Had he forgiven her? It was too good to be true.

She blurted out, "What are you saying? You want us back together, just like that? I cheated on you, Leonard, aren't you angry? I don't deserve this, Leonard. Why are you doing this? Why are you being so easy on me?"

"It's not for you, Penny, it's for me. I am being selfish. I am not going to continue to hurt because of what you did. What good will it do me to want you to suffer, to continue to feel guilty, to try to make up for what you have done? What good will it do for you to promise not to do it again? Neither you or I can know that for sure."

He grabbed her hands, "All I know is that I love you. That being with you makes me happy. Maybe it seems like I am being naïve, but I am doing what is best for me. I need to believe you are sorry, that you love me and want us to be together. I need to believe you will never do it again. No, Penny, I am not doing it because I am dismissing what you did, I am not doing it for you, I am doing it because it is what is best for me. I find no pleasure in you feeling guilty or putting yourself down."

He looked into her eyes, "So, Penny, do you want for us to be together?"

Penny couldn't believe it, but it had to be true; she undid her hands and moved forward and crushed her upper body to him, kissing him passionately on the lips. She pulled back for a moment, "Oh God, Leonard, YES, YES. I love you, Leonard, I love you so much. I was afraid I had lost you." She also told herself that whatever he said, she was going to do all she could to make it up to him.

Leonard smiled, "I love you too."

They resumed their kiss and Penny was starting to think maybe they should take this to the bedroom when Leonard pulled away and turning serious, said, "But we do need to discuss what happened between you and Brad. We need to try to understand what happened, so we can take steps to try to ensure it doesn't happen again. We also need to discuss what to do about what Brad did and how you are unhappy at your job."

She nodded and sat back. "All I know is that we had been with a group of other salesmen and Doctors and I was bored out of my mind. I was just so tired of the whole damn thing. Brad must have sensed it, because he made up some excuse for us to go up to his room. I just don't know what was the final push, why I was open to it. I do remember I had some stupid idea that it would get me out of a rut." She hesitated, not wanting to admit the next, but knew she had to be completely honest. "I also had a crazy notion that it would be good for you and me."

Leonard, who had been listening intently, stared at her as she said the last sentence. "How could you possible think it would help us? Were you thinking we were in a rut?"

Penny got scared again, "Oh, God, no, Leonard, it was like it would help me. In some stupid way I guess I thought it would make me less unhappy about work and thus not be unhappy around you. Please believe me, Leonard, it had nothing to do with us."

Leonard relaxed, "Okay."

He went on, "I am sorry I didn't listen more when we were at Big Bear. I should have never treated the fact that you were unhappy about what you were doing so lightly."

"I don't think you did. I really was more confused about what I felt at that time. And I did want to take care of that debt. It was after that when it really got bad."

"Penny, I think this job has affected you more than even you realize. I think you should quit."

"But, the money."

"We have already paid it down a long way. I can use my not so secret account to pay it off some more. I do make a decent salary. I am sure we can live on it. Besides, you might find something else that you like to do."

"Are you sure, Leonard? I want to but are you sure we'll be all right?"

"We'll be fine. So, tomorrow morning, I will go with you and we will tell Dan that you are leaving. At the same time, I think we should tell him about how Brad has been acting and let him deal with him."

"You know that Brad will probably tell him about what he and I did. Do you want that to get out?"

"The way this Brad guy sounds to me, it would get out sooner or later. I just don't want Brad to get away with what he did. Unless you really don't want it to get out."

"No, you're right, we need to let Dan know."

Penny looked lovingly at him, "You really are too good for me, you know."

Leonard smiled back, but then smirked, "I know, but there are benefits..."

Penny was caught off guard, but then smiled and looked coyly at him, "Speaking of benefits."

As they headed for the bedroom, Penny suddenly stopped as if something had struck her. She turned to Leonard with a big smile, "You know, with all that free time I'll have after I quit work, I will need something to do." She leaned into him, "Maybe we could think about having a baby."

Leonard was stunned for a moment, but then he smiled happily, "I'd like that."

Putting their arms around each other and exchanging a quick kiss, they continued to the bedroom.


End file.
